I should mention here that I have mild ADD. Not clinically or anything, just a really short attention span and squeezing coffee fruits is only fun for about the first thirty minutes. So, over the next two weeks I am squeezing coffee fruit as the ones in my bowl are now turning black as the fruit shrivels up into a surprisingly hard skin over my precious coffee beans encased within. You can see in this shot the beans, some red fruit still ready for squeezing, and plenty of brown to black fruit that will need peeling. Did I mention yet that Florida is not known for its great coffee? And that all of this work may be for nothing because the beans may not be any good once harvested, roasted, ground, brewed and finally poured...
I am determined to try, damn-it, and there are several things spurring me on...
First, about six months ago I read an article in a magazine about this Doctor guy that was using grape growing techniques to train the coffee plant onto a trellis to make the plant fan out and produce more beans. And he spends six months a year in Hawaii growing his coffee, and then six months a year treating sick people. Lucky bastard.
Then, I see a couple of blogs talking about home-roasting techniques, and I am sorry that I can't find them now to link back to them, but the coffee roasting portions were actually in passing so it is not really important. I'll just say it was enough to keep the idea running in my tiny little brain-space.
Then, at the same time I am starting to harvest the beans, I get a new magazine in the mail and one of the major articles is about at-home coffee roasting. The magazine in question is Imbibe and if you drink and don't have a subscription you are so missing out. And the article in question is "HEAT WAVE: Backyard coffee roasters take their morning cup into their own hands. By ANNA MANTZARIS." One of the many options presented for the home-coffee roaster is a air-pop popcorn popper.
Now, having had many of these during my childhood and then giving them up because they quit heating properly or they were offered up in the last garage sale because we only ever use the microwave now to pop our corn it was with some delight that a trip to the local Goodwill turned up a Pop-Air 2 (and several albums, but that is another blog) with a Made-in-America sticker still proudly pasted on the side.
A quick stop for lunch and then home to try my hand at roasting my own coffee. Not just any coffee, but coffee from my own plant harvested by my own hand. The excitement grows, and even retelling the story here gives me a little giggle.
OK, I like my coffee very dark and I typically use espresso roast for my daily coffee. So with my new found knowledge, combined with lots of other knowledge already lurking around the brain, the beans go into the Pop-Air 2. Pretty quickly, the beans dry enough and roast enough to reach the 'first crack,' which surprisingly is exactly what it sounds like, a cracking noise. Very much like popping popcorn, there are a few hints of a cracking noise, then lots and lots of cracking noises, then less and less cracking which is very quickly replaced with the smell of roasted coffee. Like I said, I like my coffee dark so I am going to roast past the second crack by a lot and get what I hope to be a dark roast as close to an espresso roast as I can. Well, the second crack is not as pronounced as the first because I didn't hear it, possibly because of the rather loud motor of the Pop-Air (which, by the way, is proudly Made-in-America because the label said so). So we are all standing around watching the beans go round and round and scooping out a bean every few minutes to inspect the progress. After about twenty more minutes we decide this is as dark as we are going to get, again possibly due to the limitations of the Pop-Air 2.
First batch out to cool, second batch in to start. The second batch reaches first crack in just a couple of minutes because the Pop-Air 2 is still hot from the first batch. And, the second batch delivers a more pronounced second crack, total time from green beans to roasted coffee is about twenty minutes. Mix both batches together and grab the grinder. A good long spin to get a really fine grind and into the top of the Melita it goes. The aroma is promising, the color of the ground coffee is invitingly dark, and the first water from the kettle makes it smell even better. This just might be good!
First pot and three people in the house to try it. I can not live without my morning cup. Our house guest is the same. Andy, she can take it or leave it because she has only in the last few years started to drink it with any regularity. All of us agree that a good cup of coffee is a thing of beauty and that anything less is simply brown water. With all of that in mind we watch as the water slowly drains down through the filter and fills the pot with an impressive looking dark potion of caffeinated bliss. At least we hope it is bliss that awaits us. Did I mention that South Florida is not known as one of the coffee growing capitals of the world?
Finally, the pour.
Six months of watching coffee fruit slowly grown and turn blood red. Messy hands and smelly coffee fruit hulls. Eight dollars for a used Pop-Air 2. All leading to this final moment.....
Success!
We have coffee that is drinkable. It is the best cup of coffee I have ever had, but if I offered you some you would not be impressed. It is the best cup of coffee I have ever had because it was brewed with beans that I grew, harvested, roasted, and then brewed myself. So that makes it a very special cup of coffee, to me at least.
I don't, however, think that South Florida will become the next great coffee growing location. But, if you stop by in the next day or two I will gladly share a cup my coffee. I say day or two because all the whole process only yielded a bit less than half of a pound of coffee. That won't last but a couple of days around here.
Here is the entire photo set
'Crap! It's everywhere......
There was an interesting debate about Flair Bartending recently on Tiki Central. To sum up the conversational results: drinkers don't like Flair as it is a distraction and drunks love Flair because it is a distraction. That is way overly simplified, but I will stand by it....
So, a bit of surfing through the Cocktail Blog-o-sphere on a another proejct turned up back to back the following two tidbits:
Cocktail : UK > Cocktail Forum > "Flybottle" flair practise bottle.
Apparently this is some new method/product to keep you at the top of your game....
And, this one is my favorite! It is somebodys signature on the Webtender.com forums:
______________________________________________
Wanna-be trick monkey in the making,then visit.. http://www.theflairschool.com
Even within the Flair community they call themselves Trick-Monkeys!'
Yes, dear reader, there are rules.....
1) There is no such thing as a chocolate martini.
2) There is no shame in club soda and cranberry juice.
3) Visiting the pub will be cheaper in the long run if you tip the bartender regularly and more generously than is necessary.
4) Never order a frozen drink in a place that serves pickled eggs.
5) Actually, never order a frozen drink.
6) It's also not a bad idea to eschew the pickled pigs' feet, although their presence is fairly strong evidence that you've accidentally stumbled upon a real tavern.
7) For the sake of the children, leave the pistol at home.
8) Grappa is to lighter fluid as ouzo is to lighter fluid.
9) Garnish matters. ((My personal motto))
10) Despite a high ratio of female clientele, an insouciant way with fried mozzarella, and their prevalence in resort towns, establishments where a waitress pours shots into your mouth from a bottle she holsters in a bandolier are fraught with peril.
11) When throwing a party, break the seals on all liquor bottles, lest guests should hesitate to open them and come to doubt your hospitality.
12) Better yet: Hire a bartender.
13) At the holiday office party, consume one drink less than your boss.
14) Adopt a favorite cocktail on a seasonal basis.
15) That sangria means "bloodletting" is more a cautionary note than a simple fact.
16) Drinks that give you bad breath: beer, anything sweet, anything with milk.
17) Drinks that give you good breath: gin and tonic, gimlet, vodka and cranberry, anything with citrus.
18) Instead of ordering a shot of After Shock to cap off the evening, one could just walk calmly into the street, lie down, and wait.
19) Hungarian proverb: If three men tell you that your are drunk, lie down.
20) Every man should know how to make at least one drink from a foreign country, preferably one taught to him by a local female with whom he has had a complicated, unresolved, and quite possibly dangerous dalliance.
21) Citrus cocktails benefit greatly from rubbing lemon peel around the rim of the glass.
22) Jack Daniel's. Rocks.
23) Fresh orange juice. Fresh lemon juice. Fresh lime juice.
24) On those chrome, hourglass-shaped bar measuring cups, the big side is the jigger. The little side is the pony. Never use the pony.
25) If you must: single-malt Scotch in a brandy snifter with a splash of water.
26) Avoid bars that use plastic cups, bars whose bathrooms consist solely of a trough-style urinal, bars with chicken wire protecting the band, bars where Patrick Swayze is the bouncer.
27) There is rarely any genuine need to shout "Skal!" "Na Zdorovye!" "Slainte!" "Bottoms up!" or "Down the hatch!"
28) No one but the bouncer cares how tough you are, and he already knows you're not that tough.
29) Drinking is not a competitive sport.
30) Never drink in a place that calls itself an eatery.
31) There is no upside to karaoke.
32) There is an ever-so-slight upside to a wet-T-shirt contest, as long as you're not in it.
33) It is not necessary to request premium liquor for a mixed drink in which you cannot taste it, such as a gimlet or sour.
34) On the other hand, ascertain exactly how nonpremium the "well" liquor is before you opt against the good stuff.
35) Sitting at the bar works only for two people. Three or more requires a table.
36) Never utter the words I and love and you if you've had more than three drinks.
37) If you're a lightweight, make that one drink.
38) If a bartender makes you flail your arms or beg for service, well, obviously, leave.
39) Don't call the bartender Barkeep, Chief, Buddy, or Ace, unless his actual name, in fact, is Barkeep, Chief, Buddy, or Ace.
40) Even if you have ascertained your bartender's name, behaving overly familiar with him will be seen as a pathetic gambit for free drinks or, worse, proof that you have nobody to go to for affection other than a random service-industry professional who does not, in fact, know you and just wants your money.
41) The one foolproof hangover cure: Don't get drunk.
42) Once you've fallen off a stool, there is little you can say to the bartender that will change his mind about asking you to leave.
43) There is nothing cheeky and clever you can say to a female bartender that she hasn't already heard from some other schmuck before you.
44) Don't eat the worm.
45) If you don't smoke and you're in a bar, don't complain about other people who happen to be smoking, because, virtuous friend, you are in a bar.
46) Instead of trying to remember whether it's "beer before liquor" or the other way around, just be an adult and stick to one or the other.
47) Acceptable drinks for men: beer, wine, whiskey, cocktails that are neither sweet nor made with dairy or fruit other than lime or lemon or orange.
48) Acceptable drinks for women: whatever they want, except a certain few.
49) A certain few: the grasshopper, the Long Island iced tea, the pink lady, and any variety of spritzer.
50) Also unacceptable: drinks whose names mimic critical medical conditions or copulative acts and their secretions.
51) And while we're on the subject, drinks that are named after supposedly cute body parts, like navels, which are actually disgusting repositories for sebaceous grime: No.
52) All of that said, never question a woman's drink choice.
53) If you're the first in the group to arrive and you start a tab on your card, you deserve exactly what's coming to you.
54) Unless you are lounging on the Promenade Deck, do not drink from a fruit.
55) Almost never have more than three cocktails.
56) Never order a cocktail with more than four ingredients.
57) If it doesn't have vermouth, it's not a Martini. If what you really want is iced gin (or vodka) straight up, order it that way.
58) Grain alcohol and purple Kool-Aid do not a punch make.
59) Pick up your drinks before moving the table.
60) Despite its name, a cocktail should contain no chicken parts.
61) Single-malt Scotch and soda: there oughtta be a law.
62) A lime yields about an ounce of juice, a lemon a little more.
63) Two singles are better than one double.
64) Ice. Lots and lots of ice.
65) Shun novelty. Suspect innovation.
66) If you strain your citrus juice, everything will be easier to clean.
67) Measure, measure, measure.
68) Betty Crocker Moment #361: 2 tablespoons = 1 ounce; 3 teaspoons = 1 tablespoon.
69) When all else fails, have a Martini.
70) The perfect Martini: There is no such thing as the perfect Martini. Make it the way it tastes best to you.
71) Provided that you remember that there is no such thing as a chocolate Martini.
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