Chip and Andy's Universe

F.U. T.S.A.

2010-11-24T10:11:00.000-05:00

OK, I have gotten my knickers in a twist over the last week or so reading about the TSA's new security measures. Not really sure why, I only fly once or twice a year, and at last check my airport only has one of the passenger-microwaves so the odds are against me finding out what popcorn feels like while being nuked.

Like I said, I have my hackles up and the TSA can do no right by me in this state of mind. I read an article just now on the ABC website and this is what tipped me over the edge:

Pistole said. "I just feel bad for the rest of the traveling public that's trying to get home for the holidays to be with their loved ones."

Said in response to those choosing to participate in today's "National Opt-Out Day."

Mr Pistole, you are a douchebag.

If we would all just line up like good little boys and girls and do what the nice man says we can all get on the big airplane and have some cake and ice cream on our way to grandma's house.

I wonder if HTML5 is going to finally give us the missing Sarcasm tag so many blogs really need?

Seriously, Mr Pistole, you are a real douchebag!

You feel bad because someone who is going to stand up for their Rights and fight back against you over reaching your authority is now going to inconvenience you and the others who are so willing to give up (or take away) our Individual Rights granted by the Constitution of the United States.

Efff Uuuuu!

Trader Vic's Island Bar & Grill

2010-04-04T21:02:00.003-04:00

It's been a long weekend, I'm tired, I'm going to cheat and just link to another site where I shared my opinion of the new Trader Vic's Island Bar & Grill in Sarasota.

http://fraternalorderofmoai.org/huimalu/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=9720

Or, directly to the company's website at http://tvislandbarandgrill.com/

More Cocktail Fail

2010-03-19T22:29:00.000-04:00

Yes, more pre-packaged Cocktail Fail.....

Its a Martini.

How friggn hard is it to stir some Gin and Vermouth together with ice? And if you want to do it right, its only a dash more work with some bitters.

I know, you don't normally carry Gin and Vermouth around in your pockets, the ice tends to get all melty and run down the side of your pants leg..... That is a hint that you are probably not in a place where it is appropriate to be drinking a Martini.

Do not get me started on the "Vodka Flavored" version.

Cocktail fail!

2010-03-16T21:57:00.001-04:00

A Strawberry Daiquiri, a Margarita Margarita, and a Pina Colada Pina Colada.

Ok, that is not really what they are, it just looks that way because of the graphic and type treatment of the packaging.

I think this idea is pretty neat. And in Original Ice's defense the page I pulled this image from listed the "Top 5 Things to Do On Your Bachelorette's"

Side note... my dirty little mind added all kinds of things to the end of that incomplete sentence.

Don't get me wrong, I am not hating on Original Ice. I like the Brand and the Company, this is a pretty ingenious idea. I haven't, however, tried the product so I will have to go with the reviews of others. I do give Original Ice extra bonus points for not calling these cocktails. They call them "Spirit Coolers."

The still represent Cocktail Fail..... Lemmesplain....

First, I do not like pre-packaged cocktails. Period. Horrible idea. Don't do it. Bad.

Second, the fact that your market (one of them at least) is the Bachelorette's is a pretty big Fail all by itself. It is pretty hard to say "Enjoy Responsibly" and the attach your product to a "Pole Dancing Party" or "Male Dancers Party" with the implied goal of getting stupid drunk so that the next day you can reclaim your innocence by blaming the alcohol from the night before.

I understand you have to market your product in order to sell your product, I just don't like targeting your product, any alcohol product, to a group of people who seem to have the singular goal of getting stupid and dangerously drunk. Drinking is the goal, not getting drunk. Enjoy the drink, enjoy the buzz, don't waste it by getting so pissed you have to rely on photos to know what you did the night before.

I guess the real reason I keep harping on these kinds of products is because I can envision the day, quite soon really, when some politician's kid gets into some kind of trouble after taking down too many juice-boxes of booze and deciding that Alcohol is far too easy to lay hands on and should be taxed and legislated and a whole bunch of other horrible things that will make it that much harder me to get good ingredients for my Mai Tais. I already have a hard time getting some quality rums because I am in a Distributor State so if the Distributor doesn't think they can profit they don't carry.

Anyway, that's all I got for tonight. Thanks for reading.

The Olive.....

2010-03-15T22:52:00.001-04:00

First, thank you to Esquire for the great shot. The article attached to it can be found here .

A nice olive, or three, dropped into a Vodka Martini. Yum.

When did the Olive take over the Martini as 'The' garnish?

No, that's not a lead in to a story, its a question..... When did it happen?

Airport Hookup

2010-03-14T22:44:00.000-04:00

Cocktail Aiport Pickup
Originally uploaded by Experiment 33

OK I am a bit of a nutcase.

Crazy even.

And most of my friends understand me, at least they say so to my face. I have never figured out why they look so terrified when they say that, but that is fodder for my 'other' blog.

Anyway, on a lark I decided that I would meet one of our friends at the airport with a cocktail in hand. A Mai Tai (natch!) in case your wondering, fresh mint and a pineapple spear, the whole works. I had the drink in one glass, the ice in another, and when I got close I did a quick shim-sham with the glasses and ta-da! It was fun. It made everyone laugh. It was a nice ender to what was otherwise not a pleasant trip for our traveling friend.

Then I did it again for two other friends flying into town.

Then again for the original friend on a return trip.

It is a lot of fun, good for a giggle, and if you could have seen the looks the Security gives me you would truly appreciate my still being here to post this and not sending letters to you via carrier pigeon from Gitmo.

I think what makes this idea even more fun is everyone else at the airport.

I pull into short term parking, get out of the car with a cocktail in hand. And not just a glass of something, a cocktail. Garnish, ice, liquor, the whole nine. People walking whatever direction stop and stare, make comments about what a great idea, and generally get a big smile on. Security looks really confused, like they want to call it in but aren't quite sure what to say to dispatch, so then they just decide to scowl. But they can't because they too want someone to greet them at the airport with a cocktail in hand because it is so apparent that I am bringing this cocktail to someone at the airport and not just walking around looking like Thursten Howell the Third.

I have to get more of my pictures fixed and posted up on the internets. The picture above is from my friend Experiment 33 when they took up my bit of silliness and met some guests at the airport with cocktails in hand. This is not a slight against them, well maybe a little, but they wimped out and went with sippy-style cups that were just slightly less obviously cocktails. In their defense, the couple in the shot was next headed to the Rental Car Counter and having a fully garnished Zombie in hand when checking out a car may not be a good thing.

Drink Presentation

2010-03-12T22:30:00.000-05:00

YUMMY Flaming Shots!
Originally uploaded by Princess Pupule

First, thank you to Princess Pupule! Your camera is so much better than mine.

And then....

Can presentation make a bad drink more better?

This particular presentation is called a Russian Roulette and is not on the regular menu. It is a really fancy presentation for what is basically a Lemon Drop.... A shot of nice white rum topped with a lemon wheel dipped in sugar, then the whole thing is doused with 151 and set a blaze.

The drink is fine by itself so I am not banging on that particular drink, I am just using it as a great photographic example..... doesn't it just look like it is going to be something spectacular? All flame-ey and people stepping back from its flame-ey spectacularness. In person even more better because of the low-hanging thatch roof over the particular piece of bar that is on fire.

And all of that sensational fiery and dangerous presentation for what is, once the fire has gone out, a shot of rum with lemon.

So, what do you think? Can less than spectacular drinks be 'saved' by overly elaborate garnishes or presentations?

151?

2010-03-10T22:27:00.007-05:00

IMGP1534
Originally uploaded by Princess Pupule

Hmmm.....

A drink that is full

With an overly elaborate garnish

with bottle inside a coozy

and a guy just off camera with a box of matches.....

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, nothing really. That was just the set up to a new drink a friend of mine is working on. He said it needed some oomph on the garnish and what has more oomph than a float of 151 and a match?

Oh, and a tip for you..... Some overproof rum labels don't make a very big deal about being overproof, like Lemon Hart. So to keep the burny ones separate from the drinky ones, use a bottle coozy or hang something on the neck of the bottle.

The only thing worse than trying to light 80 proof rum is an unexpected shot of 151.

South Pacific Polynesian Restaurant

2010-03-09T23:09:00.003-05:00

First, thank you to arkivatropika for the image.

Direct Link to Arkivatropika item

Then, raspberry's to same for beating me on the ebay auction.

And then....

This little gem of a restaurant used to sit on US Route 1 just south of Hollywood, Florida. It is long gone, it is now a vacant car dealership lot. Sad, but such is the way of development in South Florida.

Anyway, I did a bit of research and from what I can find this place was open until about 1965, at least that is the last date it is listed in the phone directory. Do you remember this place? Did you go there as a kid, or hear story from your parents about this place? If you have anything, memories, souvenirs, story, anything at all I would love to hear about it.

My Happy Place

2010-03-08T22:21:00.000-05:00

IMGP0411
Originally uploaded by Princess Pupule

When I am at a Party, I almost always wind up behind the bar. And that makes me happy.

Usually, I step behind the bar so the host of the party can go and do host things.

At least that is what I tell people.

You, my dear readers (all three of you) know better..... I go behind the bar because that is my Happy Place. I like being behind the bar. I like watching people smile when I hand them something they haven't had before. I like watching them watch me when I am mixing something up. Even more so when they see me looking at the recipe but still don't understand what I am doing until it hits their glass and they get that yummy look all about them.

Yes, I like being behind the bar.

I even like being behind other peoples bar, like in this picture. This is me behind Loki's bar pouring a nice Rum the Burr's brought along. And it was yummy.

The magical world of sound....

2010-03-04T12:25:00.000-05:00

I mentioned before that I now have hearing aids. What I didn't mention was how many times I run around the house doing the Bionic Man Nanaanaanaa thing because of it.

I'm easily amused.

I am now on month seven with the new ears and I have to say, how did I ever do it without them? I am amazed at how many things I wasn't really hearing, or not hearing well enough to be aware of. Little things like the sound of my cat purring.

For the most part I have gotten used to the sound of things again, like my own foot steps and the sound of my keyboard, and when I turn off the 'raids (that is what my friend Elizabeth calls them) everything seems so dull and far away. You don't realize how far you've gone until you get back again.

So, forgive me for sounding like the latest P.S.A., but hearing is important and getting your hearing checked on a regular basis is a really good idea.

Ohana 2010

2010-03-02T23:02:00.002-05:00

I think I already mentioned this..... but I am really excited so it bears repeating:

Ohana, Luau at the Lake is returning in 2010.

It's in June this year so that means two things....

First, we won't be blue-balling it under our lavalava's.

And second, all of Lake George will be open and ready to provide for our entertainment.

Click on the graphic to check out the website. Tickets go on sale soon.

We'll see you in Lake George! You can miss us, we'll be the ones with cocktails!

The Mai Kai Mystery Bowl

2010-02-28T17:45:00.002-05:00

Mystery Dance
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

This is the Mai Kai.

This is the Mystery Drink.

It is served in the Mystery Bowl.

It is presented Mysteriously by a Lovely Hula Maiden.

This drink is being enjoyed tonight in celebration of birthdays. Several of them in fact. And if your birthday is about this time of year, Happy Birthday to you. You should go to the Mai Kai with all of your friends and order a Mystery Drink.

You will enjoy it.

I promise!

Extreme Sports

2010-02-25T21:51:00.000-05:00

Extreme Sport
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

I really love spending time in Dollar-Stores! The have the most interesting things that are obviously victims of questionable language translation.

Take, for example, this blister-packed toy.

Guy with Helmet, ready for action.

Car Park Sign.

Life Preserver.

Strange Wet-Floor type sign thingy with the image of a swimming stick-man.

All in all.... WTF?

Hey, I'm sure parking cars near the water-sport complex is an Extreme Sport in the Country of Origin for this particular toy.

The Secret of Life.....

2010-02-21T21:37:00.000-05:00

Tahitian Punch
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

The Secret of Life as revealed on a 12 pack of Tahitian Treat.

Yes, it really is that simple.

Easter Island Foundation

2010-02-19T22:56:00.002-05:00

I mentioned in a previous post about the Easter Island Foundation and the fact that their website was not working..... well that's been fixed. The New and Improved website is up and running and I do hope you'll stop by and take a look.

And, since your there, it would be kind of nice if you consider becoming a Member.

http://islandheritage.org

Health Warning....

2010-02-18T21:34:00.002-05:00

ft5 001
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

Wow! Who Knew?

So it was the alcohol all the time and not the actual beer or wine or liquor.

The scariest part is this is a rather large warning plastered on the wall in a Cheesecake Factory. And NOT next to the bar area! It was plastered next to the bathrooms.

I really don't like the Nanny-State the lawyers are turning this place into.

Its good to be FOM!

2010-01-12T20:06:00.003-05:00

I belong to a group called the Fraternal Order of Moai, you might have heard of us....

We do this thing every year where we all get together, hang out, have some fun, drink a little, have some more fun, its great and I highly recommend it!

Anyway.... last year we got together on a little bigger scale than usual and turned it into a right proper event with ticket sales and web pages and the works! And we did it in Lake George at the Tiki Resort. This place was amazing, it really is like the Land That Time Forgot. Our event was named Ohana, Luau at the Lake, and part of the proceeds from the event were set aside for charity. We managed, with our small group, to raise $3,000 for the Easter Island Foundation, which is really saying something considering there were only about 300 people in attendance. Check out the link at the top of this post to read a bit more.

Long story short (too late!), its good to be FOM. Good friends, good drinks, and now with good deeds!

Check out all the related bits of internet linkage:

FOM is at http://fraternalorderofmoai.org

Ohana, Luau at the Lake is at http://www.luauatthelake.com/

And the Easter Island Foundation (whose website is not working at the moment) is at http://www.islandheritage.org/

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T01:16:00.001-05:00

Y2K Ready
Originally uploaded by Mil

Happy New Year!

I still haven't quite figured out why turning the calendar page on this day is any more exciting than any other..... I do appreciate the excuse to throw/attend a party!

Thanks to the internets I found this interesting picture from someone named Mil and is a great reminder of how the last decade got started. Remember how everyone was waiting for something to happen, and then it didn't. I want to go on record now and say that in about two more years it will be the same kind of thing.

Enough drunken ranting.... Happy New Year! Peace, Love, and Understanding to you and yours.

Military Grade Rum

2009-12-25T11:31:00.001-05:00

I love Christmas Time. I love Rum. This seems like it would make gift giving very easy.... it does!

My mother-in-law got me one of the coolest rums I have ever seen! Military Grade Rum!

I'll report back soon and let you nkow how it tastes.

In Ur Photoz....

2009-12-04T14:16:00.001-05:00

ftt 003
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

This is Inigo, the newest addition to the Ealoli household.

And in this particular shot Inigo is charging her super powers for a Mega-Death-Blast from her Lazer-Eyes.... Pew-pew-pew!

She is the most Dog dog I have ever known. She fears the pool, but loves the hose. Fetching ball for two hours is just a warm up, and there is absolutely NO chance of a pirate successfully burying their treasure in our yard because she will dig it up faster than you say "Hello! My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!"

Ohana 2010

2009-10-31T14:51:00.000-04:00

Its On!

Ohana 2010!

Andy and I had such a blast last Fall at the Tiki Resort, I wish we would have taken more pictures. We have the memories which is better anyway!

The website isn't updated yet, but the dates for 2010 have been announced..... June 25th and 26th with some extra little bits before and after.

We'll see you there!

Wow! So that's what that sounds like....

2009-09-09T14:11:00.002-04:00

OK, you don't realize how much you can't hear until you can hear it again!

I got hearing aids today and I have to get used to everything again. Typing this sounds like those keyboards in the movies that go klakity-klak when you type.

More on this subject as I adjust to a new world again.

Blue Zombie's?

2009-06-27T09:07:00.005-04:00

The Beachbum found a real deal on some Zombie Mix but wonders why Blue? I have to agree, why not green, or even red?

Many of you will look at that and your immediate reaction will be one of eye-rolling or shoulder-shrugging. You will react at first very negatively because of any of a number of things, the Blueness, the Barcardi name, the price on the shelf, something about it will immediately put you on edge.

Here's the rub, you will most likely be reacting to the wrong part of the idea..... the Fail of that product is not immediately visible because the Fail part is the 'general public.' The Fail is the fact that someone is trying to turn drinks into a commodity. 'They' are trying to turn what was once the highest public art into the lowest common denominator and squeeze out every possible bit of profit and gain from it.

Don't believe me? Take a look at the Beachbum's link above. Or this one talking about a prepackaged "Premium Vodka" flavored Martini. (personal note, they don't even bother to capitalize Martini as the proper name that it is.) And there are countless more on the shelfs of your local suppliers just sitting there trying to get in the gullet of some early drinker (I mean experience, not age).

These kind of prepackaged, premixed, pre-made or any other verb you can add a Pre too, are slowly eating away at the art of the cocktail. We can't stop them so this is not a call to arms. What we can do is keep making the best cocktails we can. We can keep blogging about good recipes and show up the bad products as the Fail that they are when it comes to cocktails. We can go down fighting!

And, now that I have myself all worked up, I am going to go and make a cocktail out of my morning coffee. This should be a fun day!

Hello. My Name is Inigo Montoya....

2009-06-22T13:50:00.001-04:00

Inigo Montoya
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

Yes, that Inigo Montoya..... from Rob Reiners Princess Bride.

Inigo is the newest addition to our household. She is about a year old and just came home from the pound today. They said she is mostly Rat Terrier but suggest some beagle because of her tricolor coat. Her ears, on the other hand, look like she should be able to fly.

The cat is pissed, but should get over it quickly because so far Inigo has shown no interest except the usual puppy-like "what is that?"

Mr. Moai Mourns Mouthlessness

2009-06-17T18:59:00.002-04:00

Mr. Moai mourns mouthlessness
Originally uploaded by Tedtiki.Patty

Note to self..... when designing props for events, include mouth holes at least large enough for straws.

Thanks to Patty and Ted for the wonderful shot from the Home Tour!

Home Bar Tour....

2009-06-16T14:51:00.004-04:00

glhbt09
Originally uploaded by Johnny Dollar

Some of you are just coming out of the rum-induced mental fog of the weekend, the rest of you will just have to read long and nod like your in on the joke....

Last weekend was the Hukilau and a whole bunch of people came around for the event. Specifically a huge group of my FOM Fellows were in town for said Hukilau and the Local Lodge decided to host a Home Bar Tour. Hire a bus, drive around to three different host homes, serve some food, some drinks, and generally have a blast!

I will share this with you..... Hire a Bus! There is nothing better for this kind of party! Well, any kind of party. I think we are going to hire a bus for all of our parties from now on. It is fantastic! The bus arrives, the party is on and everyone is laughing and eating and drinking and having a good time. Then the bus returns and the party moves on. You aren't stuck with that one couple that insists on staying until the food or drink are gone while telling you awkward stories about the last key-party they attended.

And, as if you needed proof of this idea.... Check out the pix from this year and last.

And thanks to Johhny Dollar for a great shot of Mr Lobster Pants shilling his Professor Lipskirrel Healing Tonic!

Working at the Mai Kai.....

2009-06-15T21:18:00.002-04:00

Andy in the Mai Kai Bar
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

The Eighth Annual Hukilau was this past weekend, a three day event that culminates in a big party at the Mai-Kai Restaurant in Ft Lauderdale. This years events included a seminar entitled "A Mai Tai Paternity Test" by Beachbum Berry.

Said event was at the Mai-Kai on Friday afternoon, treating the guests to not only an informative show from the Bum but a very welcome respite from the afternoon heat.

Since the show was in the afternoon, well before the Mai-Kai normally opens, there was a question of staffing the bar to make the two specific cocktails the Bum was presenting. Since we consider the Bum to be one of our friends (he may not consider us the same after our 'special presentation at the end) we volunteered to help out.

As you can see from the huge smile on Andy's face, the ability to simultaneously help out the Bum AND work in the most magical of magical places for a pair of Rummys like ourselves will be one of the stories we tell your grand kids when we get old(er).

If you missed the Hukilau, you'll just have to live vicariously through pictures until next year. Until then.......

Beachbum Berry's Mai Tai One On....

Mai-Kai Restaurant and Polynesian Dinner Show
3599 Federal Highway
Ft Laduerdale, Florida
www.maikai.com

Hukilau Polynesian Festival
http://www.thehukilau.com/2009/

2009-06-05T20:50:00.000-04:00

I know that many consider the cocktail umbrella as the Kiss-of-Death to most cocktails. I do too, at least when I am out at a bar.....

But, after much testing and thinking (and drinking!), I want to stand up for the lowly little bits of paper on a stick!

Dismiss the Cocktail Umbrella No More! (insert evil laughter and menacing sound effects here!)

Why, you ask? Simple! Most Tiki drinks are rum based. Rum is an aromatic liquor, and usually come in a reasonably high proof. As a reasonably high proof liquor, it has a tendency to evaporate. That process is what makes 151 flammable.

So what, you are saying as you contemplate the flammability of the average cocktail umbrella......

Let us examine the lowly cocktail umbrella from a different perspective.... Join me in my lab......

(thank you http://www.wellfed.net for the picture)

First, from the perspective of a drink. An 'internal' perspective..... We have established that Rum, and most high proof liquor, is basically a volatile substance. Since that volatility is usually why we are imbibing the stuff anyway, why would you want to let any of it escape? The lowly little cocktail umbrella works as a shield, or cap if you will, to keep the interesting bits in the cocktail. And, what happens when you drink from the cocktail protected by our cocktail umbrella? You tilt it to the side allowing all of the goodness trapped underneath to rise up into your waiting nostrils. Nothing wasted!

From an external perspective (the weaker case for the umbrella).... Spring has sprung and many of you are moving your cocktails to the outside of your homes to enjoy the increasingly fine weather. I myself have already had a couple of weeks of sitting by the pool enjoying a cocktail or three. And, here in south Florida our sun is pretty intense even in the spring. All of the solar energy is wonderful for the pool, but hard on the ice in my cocktail. Just as I sit under my umbrella, my cocktail is sitting under its umbrella. OK, this is a pretty lame excuse for the cocktail umbrella........

Tease the Cocktail Umbrella No More! Dress your cocktails without fear or shame! Never snicker or make snide comments again about the little blue umbrella in your drink. It is there to help! To help you have the best damn cocktail alcohol can provide!

And Yes, this is a drunken post. And, as soon as I send this I am going back to the bar, I mean Lab! Lab! Thats it, my LAB.... to finish my research!

And, for those of you wishing more conversation on this subject, my limited research found this.... this...... and this.....

Coconut Economy

2008-09-19T22:31:00.000-04:00

I am a Fellow in good standing in the Fraternal Order of Moai.

Some of you know that already. Some of you don't, or don't care. We of the F.O.M. have a little 'thing' going on the side called Coconut Economy.

What is Coconut Economy? It is a commerce site where the Fellows can buy, sell, or trade goods and services. Everyone is invited to shop, and I encourage you to stop by and see what we have to offer.

Recently added is a custom creation from Andy. She was inspired to create an Orchid Bikini based on an image from an album cover. The piece was a huge hit at the Sarong-O-Rama fashion show at this the 2008 Hukilau.

And. tapa-covered hip flasks from Loki and Stumpgrinder. Show your Tiki-Colors and carry your beverage of choice in style.

And, from the Velveteen Lounge we have some pillows worthy of your home bar in a variety of prints and styles.

All of this and more is just a click away.

Stop by, check it out, show your support of the artists of F.O.M.

The Bengal Cocktail

2008-09-14T20:34:00.000-04:00

Its that time again..... Mixology Monday! And this time Metagrrrl is hosting, and the theme is 19th Century Cocktails.

Now, I don't have much of a library for cocktail books. The Internet is almost useless for searching for cocktail recipes, unless you know exactly what you are looking for so you can exclude everything else. And, when I do find older recipes I have a hard time breaking out of the Tiki-Drink frame of mind, which makes thinking about specific ratios of '20 drops' of an ingredient hard to figure. But! All of that is kind of the reason for Mixology Monday in the first place, trying something new. So.....

My one good book that has recipes that qualify for this months theme.....
Cakes & Ale
by Edward Spencer.

A fun book that Andy got for me at the Antique Show in Palm Beach (you have to go in the winter!) that focuses mostly on food, dinner and its preparation mostly. In the back, second to the last chapter, is a collection of recipes from sources known and unknown. I got really excited because there is a recipe for Orgeat that I still want to make, but that will be a future entry here. Anyway.....

I am flipping through the recipes and spot a recipe for the Bengal Cocktail. Now, I just read earlier today that Darcy over at the Art of Drink posted the same cocktail. But wait, its the same in name only! OK, closer review, its almost the same. But not quite. OK, its only sort of like it......

The Bengal Cocktail:

Fill tumbler half full of crushed ice. Add thirty drops of maraschino, one table-spoonful of pine-apple syrup, thirty drops of curacoa, six drops of angostura bitters, one wine-glassful of old brandy. Stir, and put a shred of lemon peel atop.

Or, in the modern format for presentation:

30 drops Maraschino

30 Drops Curacao

1 tablespoon Pine-Apple Syrup

6 drops Angostura Bitters

1 Wine-glassfull Old Brandy.

Stir in a wine goblet with half-glass of crushed ice. Garnish with lemon.

First, the recipe:

I don't have 'good' Old Brandy. I have some good brandy, but it is Extra-Fine, not Extra-Old, so it is much sweeter that what I believe this recipe called for. And then, Drops? I think Darcy had the same issue trying to figure out how to pour that on the modern bar. I cheated and pulled out the eye-dropper and started counting.

If this recipe is as old as the book lead me to believe, Pineapple had to have been a pretty exotic flavor for a cocktail and I am guessing not something every bar has sitting around waiting to be used. I could be wrong, its just a guess.

And, poking around on the internet, I find a variety of variations on this recipe, the strangest includes apple and orange juice. That is the greatest challenge with researching 'older' drinks like this, unclear authorship, conflicting and/or competing stories of genesis. Which one is 'THE' cocktail? Well, as soon as I find the right size batteries for the Time-Machine I'll ask around myself.

Then, the cocktail:

What is it like? Well.... pretty good actually. A bit sweet for my tastes, but that may be my brandy selection more than the actual drink. It is a beautiful reddish color in the glass, the dark of the bitters really bring out the color of the brandy, and the contrast of the bright of the lemon, visually exciting and really makes you want to pick this one up.

The end result:

I can recommend this one as it stands. I will be playing with it to see if I can tame the sweetness for my palate. I am going to have to spend a bit more time looking at Brandy's at the local package store.

Weeki Wachee Weekender

2008-07-25T09:54:00.001-04:00

Weeki Wachee Weekender
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

Its On!

It is a Holiday weekend so you should already have the time off!

It is an amazing piece of Roadside America!

It is Mermaids!

What more could you ask for?

Please join us on Labor Day Weekend for a visit with the Mermaids at Weeki Wachee on the Gulf Coast of Florida.

There will be a Pot-Luck luau Friday Night. We have access to a grill so something that can be cooked is an option.

There will be a Carving and Music Jam Friday afternoon into the evening as long as people are willing to work or play. Bring your tools, or you instrument, or both, and have some fun with the Ohana.

Saturday is the Big-Event! The Former Mermaids will have control of the Lagoon and will be performing for your pleasure.

Saturday night will be a Dinner with the Ohana, details are still being worked out with the restaurant so more on that soon.

It will be a whole lot of fun, even more so with you there.

Tails of the Merman

2008-05-02T12:43:00.000-04:00

OK, it is finally done! Episode Five!

Tails of the Merman on YouTube

This project was so much fun! I am hoping that we can do some more with it, spin-offs with the Henchman, a Mer-vixen story line. And of course many more cocktails with a generally underwater theme!

Give a watch! Give it some stars! Let us know what you think!

Rum?

2008-04-12T16:09:00.000-04:00

I have been reading more and more about my beloved spirit........

Drink Dogma had something very interesting to share on the subject.

I am happy to see some discussion on Rum that doesn't involve a Mojito or "Tall-Fruity Drinks." And I am really happy to see someone who's taste in liquors I trust come around to the realization that Rum really is a quality spirit and worthy of comparison to other 'finer' spirits.

Welcome to the Rum World!

Oh, and if anyone else cares to join us, bring limes!

Goodbye Arthur....

2008-03-18T21:51:00.000-04:00

And thank you very much for keeping my imagination active.

http://www.clarkefoundation.org/

Sometimes you wonder

2008-03-11T18:56:00.001-04:00

Wreck Bar
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

Just what exactly was going through your mind when you push that little button on the camera......

Was it the company?

The drink?

The Mermaid?

Or is it just a cool photo?

Mixology Monday - Reminder

2008-03-09T16:53:00.001-04:00

Ready?

Set!

Hit the books! The net! Wherever you get your ideas for the bar. Mixology Monday is soon.

Check out Kaiser Penguin for more detail.

Hmmmm..... overly potent drinks.... I think I have a couple to fit the bill

Flaming Cocktails

2008-02-24T20:18:00.001-05:00

Flaming Demonstration 2
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

What can be more exciting than setting a cocktail on fire for the delight and amusement of your guests?

Not much, really.

I mean a great cocktail is a thing of beauty, but a great cocktail on fire! That is something truly entertaining.

Before I go any further, the Ealoli Lawyers inform me I have to remind you that mixing fire and the home bar is not something to take lightly. Igniting alcohol is a dangerous thing and precautions should be taken. Know where your fire extinguisher is and know how to properly put out an alcohol fire. And that would be a wet towel for those of you scratching your head right about know.

And if you think this isn't serious buiness, search "flaming drinks gone wrong" on youTube. This one is my favorite.

Now, on to getting some fire into your glass.....

Alcohol is flammable. Simple enough. Anything more than about 30% alcohol by volume will burn, The higher the proof of the liquor, the better the burn. Some liquors burn better than others, as seen in this video:

Thank you to Loki from Modernday Hobbit for helping me with that one. Left to right in the video is Vodka, Gin, Overproof Rum, and Grand Marnier. Yes, Gin will burn (See! I told you! Dude, you so owe me a cocktail!)

The Ealoli lawyers informed me that I must remind you not to stick your fingers into a pool of alcohol that is one fire as I did in that video. I don't mind, but they get nervous easily.

Where was I? Oh yeah, getting fire into your glass.

Well, first you need a cocktail. Then you need something to hold the flame. Then you need a match.

The cocktail, that should be easy.

Something to hold the flame. Unless you happen to have a vessel designed for fire, this is not so easy because you really shouldn't just pour some overproof rum on your drink. You can, but there are better ways to do it. Matt Maranian in his book Pad suggests using a lime or lemon shell with a crouton safely skewered inside. That works really well, except the crouton is inedible and tends to smell bad as the flame uses up the alcohol. What works better is a sugar cube, and if you don't burn it too bad is still edible.

Lastly, you need a match. Or lighter. Or two sticks and some string. Or super-human powers with the ability to summon fire on command.

Oh, the Lawyers are on about something, but the duct tape is making it hard to understand what they are saying.

If you would like to see the whole process of the drink and fire, check out This video from Don at Experiment33. And, keep an eye out for the ceiling fans.

OK, so now I have an idea how to ignite my cocktail, how do I get a picture of said cocktail?

Well, you need to set up a few things first. You need a stable setting for your camera. If the position of your drinks and camera is not near a light switch, you need an assistant. Ignite your drink and take a picture. Turn off the lights and take another shot (without the flash) using what ever low-light setting your camera has. Then, present the two pictures side by side, like this:

The first two glasses are holding Bacardi 151, the third is Grand Marnier (which is a bit expensive to burn like this, but it smells so good). The second glass has a sugar cube added to show the flame better. It acts as a wick to lift the flame and the sugar burning adds some nice color to the flame.

A little bit of Link Love

2008-02-18T10:03:00.000-05:00

Miss me?

Thank you for that, but I know I only have about six people who read regularly (thanks Mom!).

Well, January is Mardi Gras Season and this year it was a short season. Damn that Lunar calendar thing..... This year our Krewe managed to pull off a Masked Ball and Luau, the creation of an eight foot tall Moai for the parade, costumes, beads, and then win an award for it.

Check out the Krewe Kon-Tiki blog to see what kind of chaos and mayhem we've been up to.

Here is a link to my Flick'r pool if you want to see more.

And, while I have your eyeballs for a minute.... A bit more Link Love:

I managed to snag a bit part in a friends video project, Tails of the Merman. It is a five part serial and we are about to finish filming the fifth installment. I'll keep you updated as it gets closer to broadcast.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-15T14:37:00.000-05:00

Drink Well!
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

Happy New Year to all of you.

2008 is looking like it is going to be a banner year for cocktails and those who make them. I know I have several dozen ideas for things I am working on and a trip to some of our local ethnic markets will get me going.

Have fun in 2008! Drink lots and drink well.

Amore-a-rita

2007-12-09T19:10:00.000-05:00

Amore-a-rita
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

I think I spend too much time at my local liquor store.....

The night manager of my local liquor store 'gets' things for me. When he finds something interesting, or odd, or generally not something everyone else is asking about, he sets one aside for me. It makes me feel important as much as it makes me realize how much time and effort (and money) I have invested in my home bar.

But, putting aside the fact that I am a lush, sometimes it pays to have someone like the night manager watching out for me. Case in point....

Parfait Amore

The flavor is most unique, and if you follow the link you will be even more intrigued if you have never sampled this particular ingredient. The bottles has a picture of oranges, the color is something akin to grape-jelly, and the aroma is something you would want to wear as a perfume. And don't let any of that stop you from adding a bottle of this to your bar. Trust me.

Well, I got a bottle. And I started digging through my meager library, then started asking the Internet since it knows everything, and came up with a few recipes that called for Parfait Amore. But, I wanted something more. Something that would really showcase the unique flavors and aroma. But what to use....

Gin is the obvious choice since most of the recipes I found were Gin based. Plymouth worked well, Hendrick's not so much. Gordons, Bombay, I was running out of options. So, being the Rum fan that I am I started playing with the Rums, and nothing was quite hitting the mark I was hoping for.

OK, time to call in reinforcements....

I have two friends nearby whose skills behind the bar I trust and whose taste in liquor I appreciate. Lets see what they come up with. After trying a few things, Loki over at The Modern Day Hobbit says "What about Tequila?"

Hmmmmm..... I am not generally a Tequila fan, and the Wahine starts to gag at the mere mention of it. But, I do have a bottle of some Milagro Silver on the bar. The wahine says it is for cooking purposes only, but sometimes a margarita is just the thing you need after a long day.

And speaking of Margarita.... What better way to test this theory than a Margarita. It is a simple drink, a 1-2-3 drink that should show off the Parfait Amore, that is if it plays well with the Tequila and lime. Well, one measure of fresh lime, two of Parfait Amore, three of Milagro Silver, some abuse in the shaker with ice, and....

In a word, DAYUM!

OK, that is not really a word, but it is what we all said when we got our first taste. The fresh lime is, of course, fresh and lively. The Silver Tequila is wonderfully smooth and tasty, and the two play very well with the Parfait Amore. The lime brings out all of the floral bits on the nose and the Tequila brings out and complements all of the stronger flavors on the tongue.

This is what I was looking for!

The color is an intriguing Blue-grey and doesn't show well on the camera. I tried to light it with a flashlight, but that just made it even more blue. The aroma as you pour is something that will draw you into the cocktail and will pull others from around the house to the bar. And the taste is going to make you ask for far more than you should probably have.

So, if you don't have a bottle of this yet, start shopping. And pick up a bottle of a nice Silver Tequila as well. You won't be disappointed.

Amore-a-Rita

1 measure of fresh lime

2 measures of Parfait Amore

3 measures of Silver Tequila

Shake hard with cracked ice, strain into a cocktail glass.

Enjoy.

Tails of the Merman

2007-12-05T21:51:00.000-05:00

OK, a little link-love....

Tails of the Merman, Episode 4

The local ohana has been working on a film project. I can't tell you why, just that what started as a short film has become a five-part serial. The link above is for Episode Four, one of our funniest yet.

Search out the rest of the serial from exp33, you wont regret it.

Did I mention that E33 created a kick-ass cocktail recipe for the occasion? When you get to Episode Two, start brewing some Ginger Infused Rum for the cocktail in Episode Three.

~~Update~~

I just saw a recipe over at Chicken Angel and though it was too perfect considering some of the characters in our little project.

I think when we get together to film next a round is in order.

Just Cocktails

2007-11-27T21:19:00.001-05:00

Just Cocktails
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

I was going to try for a Trifecta... Raiders of the Lost Cocktail, Mixology Monday, and Repeal Day. Not because I am lazy and only want to prepare one drink, but instead because I drink I wondered if I was up to the challenge...

I have a drink that includes includes Benedictine, qualifying for Raiders of the Lost Cocktail. And, it includes Creme de Roses, which is another ingredient lost to the sands (and livers) of time. I have a drink I suspect, but can not confirm, is a pre-prohibition recipe. The tome I found it in was published six years after Repeal Day, but the collection of recipes has got to be mostly from before and during. The style of the recipes, the ingredients used, the whole presentation, they all speak to something that survived 'the dry years.'

Lastly, I have a drink to celebrate Repeal Day that would be appropriate to the time. And even if it isn't appropriate for the time, it should be tasty enough to enjoy now.

I offer the Maiden's Kiss.

1 measure Creme de Roses
1 measure Curacao
1 measure Maraschino
1 measure Yellow Chartreuse
1 measure Benedictine

There are no assembly instructions for this, but most everything in the book is shake and strain in to a cocktail glass. I see no reason why this one would be different.

Well, I cant offer a picture of the final drink because I had to fake some of the ingredients. The resulting cocktail was a horrible color. It tasted good, but I don't think it was what was intended. Creme de Roses is not available so I tried Rose Water. Add to that I only have Green Chartreuse, the end result was something...... different. It has a strange aftertaste that comes from the Rosewater (I think that is where it came from). The Benedictine and Chartreuse play well together each complimenting the herbal qualities of the other and the Maraschino serves to balance the floral notes. The Curacao adds to a wonderful aroma, but I don't see that it does anything specific to the drink. And, using Orange colored Curacao and adding it to Green Chartreuse, well you can imagine why I don't have a picture of the final result.

If anyone would like to offer some feedback on the Creme de Rose I would be most happy. This cocktail sounds like too much fun just to abandon because one of its ingredients is seemingly dead.

Snowball

2007-11-26T20:38:00.001-05:00

Snowball
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

OK, giggle if you want. It is a funny word.

And , it is a cocktail that has fallen out of favor generally speaking. Well, not so much as it just kind of got lost to a lot of other drinks with names that are much funnier (or more rude).

Well, this drink drifted back on to my radar after watching a bit of Food TV, or what the wahine and I like to consider the new Porn. This porn analogy goes one further because we were watching Nigella Lawson, who is not only good looking but makes the cooking and eating of food soooo sexy. Nigella was sharing her holiday recipes and was serving Snowballs to get everyone in the mood.

One problem.... Advocaat is not something I keep on my bar nor do I expect any of my local outlets. Well, imagine my surprise when they had not one, but three bottles of the stuff. And the bottles were not covered in inches of dust. So, a trip to the market, a dash home, and....

Snowball

2 ouces Advocaat

Lemon-lime soda

Squeeze of lime

Pour Advocaat over ice in a chimney glass or highball. Top with Lemon-Lime soda and a small squeeze of lime. Enjoy.

I used sparkling Lemonade and highly recommend it. Sprite works, but it turns out really sugary sweet. The squeeze of lime brightens all of the flavors.

And, the flavor... Like Eggnog, only refreshing. Advocaat is an egg liqueur, rich and creamy (and about 17% abv). The Lemonade is sparkling and refreshing.

So, find yourself some Advocaat. I hesitate to call this a seasonal drink, but it is a refreshing alternative to the heavier eggnogs that are so common about now.

Classic Cocktail - Jewel

2007-11-11T21:50:00.001-05:00

Jewel
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

I got this wonderful little tome from ebay a couple of months back and have been enjoying it very much. The other night I found myself in the mood for a cocktail (surprise), so I flip through and find an interesting one with Gin and Chartreuse. It is called a "Jewell" and is Gin, Chartreuse, Italian Vermouth and a dash of Orange bitters.

Well, as I sit down at the computer to enjoy my cocktail I read that Mixology Monday's theme is Gin. Perfect, I have a classic cocktail that is Gin based that is rather tasty.

Try the cocktail, then head over to Oh Gosh! to see what everyone else has cooked up.

Jewell

1 Pony Green Chartreuse

1 Pony Italian Vermouth

1 Pony Dry Gin

1 Dash Orange Bitters

Enjoy. I did.

Coffee Flowers

2007-10-29T21:00:00.001-04:00

Coffee Flowers
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

When we still lived in California, Andy was kind enough to buy me a Coffee Plant. Two actually. They were cute, about six inches tall with three or four leaves each. That was a couple of years ago (seven, almost eight).

Since then, we have moved to Florida, bought a house with a yard that had absolutely nothing in it and therefore had a lot of room to plant said coffee plants. And, I think our house is built on top of a nuclear waste dump, or possibly an ancient indian burial ground, because everything we have planted has grown to twice its normal height or grown to maturity in half of the expected time.

This shot is of the coffee plants this past April which would put the Coffee plants at about eight years old. That is them growing around the Frangipani. They flowered last year and even set fruit, but only a few actually made it to harvest. And, I was so excited to have the flowers and resulting beans I never even considered what to do with them.

I will draw your attention back to that shot, and then this one, and point out the abundance of flowers on the plant. Coffee flowers are surprisingly attractive even if they don't have much aroma. And there are so many flowers that it looks like snow has fallen, if snow could fall on only one plant and in South Florida.

Once the flowers have done their little bit for the birds and the bees, you wind up with coffee fruit. And then you get to look at green coffee fruit for a long time.

I don't know how long it takes the fruit to ripen for regular plants in, say, Hawaii, but here it took six months before any color started to show. And, even after they started to show the first blush of red, it was still another month before the fruit were ready to pick. And, without the guidance of Juan and his little burro, I am not sure I waited long enough, or maybe I waited too long, Juan where are you when I need you?

After the fruit looks like fruit, well actually after some of the started to turn from red to brown, I decided it was time to start harvesting. Grab a bowl, start pulling fruit, how simple can it be. Actually, picking the fruit was very easy, it was the hulling of the fruit that turned out to be a mess. Now, the coffee farmers have their methods for hulling the fruit and most of them are mechanical. I, however, am not a coffee farmer and have no nice Coffee Huller 3000 to zip my beans out of their protective fruit casing. Thumb and forefinger is all I got and that is what I started to do.

I should mention here that I have mild ADD. Not clinically or anything, just a really short attention span and squeezing coffee fruits is only fun for about the first thirty minutes. So, over the next two weeks I am squeezing coffee fruit as the ones in my bowl are now turning black as the fruit shrivels up into a surprisingly hard skin over my precious coffee beans encased within. You can see in this shot the beans, some red fruit still ready for squeezing, and plenty of brown to black fruit that will need peeling. Did I mention yet that Florida is not known for its great coffee? And that all of this work may be for nothing because the beans may not be any good once harvested, roasted, ground, brewed and finally poured...

I am determined to try, damn-it, and there are several things spurring me on...

First, about six months ago I read an article in a magazine about this Doctor guy that was using grape growing techniques to train the coffee plant onto a trellis to make the plant fan out and produce more beans. And he spends six months a year in Hawaii growing his coffee, and then six months a year treating sick people. Lucky bastard.

Then, I see a couple of blogs talking about home-roasting techniques, and I am sorry that I can't find them now to link back to them, but the coffee roasting portions were actually in passing so it is not really important. I'll just say it was enough to keep the idea running in my tiny little brain-space.

Then, at the same time I am starting to harvest the beans, I get a new magazine in the mail and one of the major articles is about at-home coffee roasting. The magazine in question is Imbibe and if you drink and don't have a subscription you are so missing out. And the article in question is "HEAT WAVE: Backyard coffee roasters take their morning cup into their own hands. By ANNA MANTZARIS." One of the many options presented for the home-coffee roaster is a air-pop popcorn popper.

Now, having had many of these during my childhood and then giving them up because they quit heating properly or they were offered up in the last garage sale because we only ever use the microwave now to pop our corn it was with some delight that a trip to the local Goodwill turned up a Pop-Air 2 (and several albums, but that is another blog) with a Made-in-America sticker still proudly pasted on the side.

A quick stop for lunch and then home to try my hand at roasting my own coffee. Not just any coffee, but coffee from my own plant harvested by my own hand. The excitement grows, and even retelling the story here gives me a little giggle.

OK, I like my coffee very dark and I typically use espresso roast for my daily coffee. So with my new found knowledge, combined with lots of other knowledge already lurking around the brain, the beans go into the Pop-Air 2. Pretty quickly, the beans dry enough and roast enough to reach the 'first crack,' which surprisingly is exactly what it sounds like, a cracking noise. Very much like popping popcorn, there are a few hints of a cracking noise, then lots and lots of cracking noises, then less and less cracking which is very quickly replaced with the smell of roasted coffee. Like I said, I like my coffee dark so I am going to roast past the second crack by a lot and get what I hope to be a dark roast as close to an espresso roast as I can. Well, the second crack is not as pronounced as the first because I didn't hear it, possibly because of the rather loud motor of the Pop-Air (which, by the way, is proudly Made-in-America because the label said so). So we are all standing around watching the beans go round and round and scooping out a bean every few minutes to inspect the progress. After about twenty more minutes we decide this is as dark as we are going to get, again possibly due to the limitations of the Pop-Air 2.

First batch out to cool, second batch in to start. The second batch reaches first crack in just a couple of minutes because the Pop-Air 2 is still hot from the first batch. And, the second batch delivers a more pronounced second crack, total time from green beans to roasted coffee is about twenty minutes. Mix both batches together and grab the grinder. A good long spin to get a really fine grind and into the top of the Melita it goes. The aroma is promising, the color of the ground coffee is invitingly dark, and the first water from the kettle makes it smell even better. This just might be good!

First pot and three people in the house to try it. I can not live without my morning cup. Our house guest is the same. Andy, she can take it or leave it because she has only in the last few years started to drink it with any regularity. All of us agree that a good cup of coffee is a thing of beauty and that anything less is simply brown water. With all of that in mind we watch as the water slowly drains down through the filter and fills the pot with an impressive looking dark potion of caffeinated bliss. At least we hope it is bliss that awaits us. Did I mention that South Florida is not known as one of the coffee growing capitals of the world?

Finally, the pour.

Six months of watching coffee fruit slowly grown and turn blood red. Messy hands and smelly coffee fruit hulls. Eight dollars for a used Pop-Air 2. All leading to this final moment.....

Success!

We have coffee that is drinkable. It is the best cup of coffee I have ever had, but if I offered you some you would not be impressed. It is the best cup of coffee I have ever had because it was brewed with beans that I grew, harvested, roasted, and then brewed myself. So that makes it a very special cup of coffee, to me at least.

I don't, however, think that South Florida will become the next great coffee growing location. But, if you stop by in the next day or two I will gladly share a cup my coffee. I say day or two because all the whole process only yielded a bit less than half of a pound of coffee. That won't last but a couple of days around here.

Here is the entire photo set

Do you measure?

2007-10-25T14:38:00.000-04:00

Read this article by Robert Hess over at The Spirit World and thought you would enjoy it.

And I completely agree. The importance of measuring your ingredients is for consistency more so than for accuracy. I think measuring is even more important so you can write down the good ones when you are experimenting behind the bar.

Mojitos... And drinks like them.

2007-10-22T23:21:00.001-04:00

Limes!
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

Well... as most of the US starts the chilly decline into winter, we here in South Florida are still sitting under a heat index that is over 100 degrees. I only share that to make the point that those fine summer drinks, like a Mojito, don't need to be closeted away just yet.

Mojito

3 - 4 Mint Leaves, plus a pretty sprig

1 -2 Tablespoons of Sugar, granulated is best

1 medium size Lime, quartered or smaller

1.5 ounce Light Rum

Club soda

Muddle lime, sugar, and mint in a heavy bottomed collins glass. Add crushed ice, rum, soda, and stir lightly. Garnish with Mint sprig and a straw.

Some recipes call for bitters, I think a dash of Angostura is a real treat in this drink.

Why the Mojito? Well, a couple of things......

First, I read this hilarious post over at The Art of Drink that involves. among other drinks, the Mojito. Then, Skitiki is keeping the FOM Test Kitchens busy with a Drink of the Month, and this month she has taken our humble Ti' Punch and moved it forward in time and taste to the Mojito. I figure back-to-back Mojito references is a sign to step behind the bar for a moment....

I like Mojitos, and like many fine drinks a good Mojito is a thing of beauty and taste. Sadly, this drink is well on its way to being commercialized, if it hasn't already crossed that threshold, and that will be a shame. There is nothing more depressing than to see good drinks wind up inside of a slurpy machine (I still love you Margarita), or worse yet, seeing a whole menu devoted to all of the 'variations' (sorry Martini). But, with your help maybe we can save this one.....

How do you make a good Mojito? Simple. Find some good looking mint, the best smelling lime you can find in your markets, and a good Light Rum. Like any other drink, quality counts so get the best you can find, or at least the best you can afford. Now, as to the rum, my friend Scottes recommends Ron Matusalem Platino. I tried the last batch with Oronoco (thanks Helz!) and I was very pleased. I don't recommend Bacardi, unless that is the only light rum you happen to have on your bar, because it is a boring rum with absolutely no character or body.

I can't offer any kind of secret to the mint beyond fresh, or any tips for muddling the drink, or some super-secret formulation for the club soda. I can offer you a drink that will help you hold on to what ever is left of summer in your area, even if you have to stand over a heating grate to be able to wear your shorts.

Go, get mixing.

Yes, I know my picture is really a Caprihnia, but I was digging in the back of the bar and got distracted... The camera battery didn't make it to round two.

Blackberry Shrub

2007-10-14T22:02:00.001-04:00

Blackberry Shrub
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

OK, I read something a while ago and then forgot it.

Then, I see a blog entry mentioning it again. It sticks in the head a little bit longer, but eventually gets pushed out by something more entertaining.

Then, I see several people talking about it and I get this funny feeling that I already know the punch line, but it is just out of mental reach....

Well, after reading Cocktail Nerd and finding a discussion on the humble Shrub, I decided that this time I would write it down. And I did. And now I am hooked. Now I can't wait to get to the market to pickup a couple of things to see how they work. To wit....

The Blackberry Shrub.
This one is Blackberry Shrub, some simple syrup, some Silver Tequila (Milagro, to be specific) and Sprite. In a word, Yummy!

I tried Raspberry and it is good. I tried it with many different rums and they were all good. So good, in fact, that I quickly ran out of Shrub. Then, this weekend we gathered many of us into the FOM Test Kitchens and one of the things we were cooking up is another batch of Shrub. This time, blackberry from the frozen blackberry pulp we get in our freezer section (100% frozen fruit pulp, I think Goya is the brand).

Well, it is easy to make. The hardest part of the whole process is waiting for it to cool enough to start mixing. So, add more ice!

Round One - White rum and Vernon's Ginger-ale. Very tasty, has a weird linger after you get to the bottom of your glass. Not sure if the linger is from the vinegar or the Vernon's

Round Two - Medium Rum and Sprite. Very tasty, opens up the blackberry very well, but the Sprite makes it overly sweet.

Round Three - Milagro and Sprite. On a lark, or possibly a dare, we crack open the tequila and give it a try. Cut back the syrup a tiny bit, increased the shrub by a bit, topped with sprite and WOW! This was something really nice to sit out on the deck with.

I know most of you northerners are saying "Deck?" Well, it is still in the high 80s here in South Florida and tall refreshing drinks on the deck are still the order of the day. Not trying to rub it in or anything, just saying that the seasons run a bit contrary down here....

Any way.... The Humble Shrub. If you haven't yet tried it, get going! This may be the best thing to happen to your bar in a while.

Mixology Saturday....(?)

2007-10-13T08:42:00.000-04:00

We are gathering later today to make a bunch of home-brew stuff for the bar. Chris from The Modern Day Hobbitt, Don from Experiment 33, and yours truly are gathering a list of arcane recipes with unusual ingredients and even weirder preparation methods and plan on spending an evening huddled over a pile pots with bubbling potions and a stack of some empty bottles that should be full by the end of the evening.

If everything goes according to plan we will end with some Hibiscus Liqueur, Falernum, Pimento Dram or a close approximation, and many flavored and infused syrups including the oft used Passion Syrup. I hope we will have started the process for at least two batches of bitters including Regans Orange #5. And, I hope to have started a batch of a Nutmeg Liqueur of which the recipe must, at this time at least, remain secret.

So, provided we don't blow ourselves up or burn the FOM Kitchen Labs to the ground, all three of us should have plenty of new stuff for the bar and that means plenty of new stuff to share with you.

Keep drinking, we need the empty bottles.

Oh, and can you save the cork stoppers too?

Want a Hawaiian Punch?

2007-10-11T19:52:00.001-04:00

rinds and all go in the punch
Originally uploaded by Lokis world

I'm going to steal a bit of Loki's thunder and tell you about a fascinating punch he served recently.....

Trader Vic's Tahitian Rum Punch

2 pounds brown Sugar

5 Dozen Oranges

4 Dozen Lemons

10 Bananas

3 Grapefruit

2 Sprigs Mint

10 Bottles of White Wine

6 Bottles of White Rum

1 Bottle of Jamaican Rum

Squeeze the fruit and slice the bananas and put everything except the rum in a very large crock. Everything, rinds and all, put it all in there. Let this stand overnight. On the next day, add your rum. Strain off and discard the fruit pulp and rinds and pour your punch into a large bowl (or small barrel) with plenty of ice. Add a ladle and some glassware and you are done.

This is from Trader Vic's 1946 Book of Food & Drink. And, yes, that is TEN bottles of white wine and SIX bottles of rum, well seven bottles of rum total. The rums were originally called as Boca Chica or Brugal for the white rum and Red Heart or Myers' for the Jamaican. I think Loki used Cruzan and Meyer's because they were both readily available.

On a side note, here in Florida you would think that we would have access to just about every rum known to man seeing as most of it has to cross our path from the Islands to you. Sadly, our liquor stores have a generally sad collection of rums. Unless, of course, you want something from Barcardi, then they have many cases of the stuff on the shelf.

Back to the punch....

This makes the most scary looking vat of stuff you have ever seen. Click on the photo and take a look at the other shots, you'll see what I mean. However, when this gets poured off into the serving bowl, the crowd goes wild. The total volume of this when done is just about five gallons, and I was pouring gallon three into the bowl after only about two hours of party.

The most common question I heard was "Wow! This is good!" Then they would scrunch up their face and try to figure out what 'that' taste was.... that odd bit of something you weren't expecting from a rum punch. (psst.... its the wine!) Then, they would very quickly go back for more.

To make a long story short (too late...) this is an excellent punch and is worth the effort. It makes a large quantity and can be made the day before your party freeing you up to other party planning duties. It doesn't have too many ingredients making it easy to mix up and eliminates the "what's that" when explaining to your guests what is in their cup. Everything a good punch should be.

And, if you take the time to fish out the bananas, they are preserved quite nicely and make a fabulous desert if you drizzle a bit of dark rum over them.

Bahia Honda

2007-09-12T21:24:00.001-04:00

Bahia Honda
Originally uploaded by My good friend Loki

I offer to you.....

The Bahia Honda

3/4 oz Cointreau

1 1/2 oz Southern Comfort

3 oz Cran-rasberry

Club Soda.

Build in a Collins glass full of cracked ice. Top with Club Soda and garnish with lime and orange wedge (or whatever you have seasonally that is yummy).

We spent a weekend in Key West with some close friends with much of the weekend devoted to drinking and general rabble-rousing. This is Key West after all....

Well, one of the smaller Keys that you cross on the way is Bahia Honda. It would seem that some of their relatives came down for some special occasion, a Honeymoon if I remember correctly, and stayed on Bahia Honda. Did I mention that Bahia Honda was one of the smaller keys? Well.... now anytime anyone mentions a trip to the Florida Keys they go on and on and on about Bahia Honda, Bahia Honda, Bahia Honda.

So, that became the annoying thing to do to each other during the remainder of the trip... "Bahia Honda! Bahia Honda! Bahia Honda!" Which is kind of fun to say, and you can get such a mean lilt into it if you try.

Well, this little game of ours made one in the group start looking to find a clock tower to climb. But, the game was still kind of fun to play. So, I decided that I would take this annoying little name-game and repurpose it into a cocktail. Then, we could continue to play the game, but now it could be a drinking game. Into the kitchen to see what we had, which wasn't much since all I brought for the travel bar was Mai-Tai fixings.

Hmmm.... The Florida Keys...... Hot...... Humid...... Tourists....... Monkey Bar.............

From that series of thoughts and a bit of discussion we chose SoCo as the base spirit. That and we already had some in the travel bar. And then? Well, cranberry goes well with SoCo, but we don't have any. And, we need to make this a tall without killing ourselves, so we are going to need some soda or tonic or something. Who's up for going to the market?

While everyone naps, I dash off for the market to pickup a few things. I drive by what looks like the largest Liquor store I have ever seen, but upon entering I promptly run into the back wall. I turn around and in doing so see the entire place. Well, this may actually be the smallest shop I have ever been in, they at least have Cointreau so it aint all bad. The market proves better... limes are on sale, a Cran-Rasberry catches my eye, a few snacks for later, the usual vacation slash lost-weekend kind of shopping. Back to the hotel, into the kitchen and time to start mixing.

And then, well I got lucky. I decided to start with the basic 1-2-3 recipe that works so well for a margarita and got it in one, to borrow a sports cliche. The glasses on hand were actually jelly jars which is perfectly fine for the place we were staying. And, we were more interested in the contents of the glass than the actual glass.

And, after field-testing the recipe several more times, we now have a cocktail that is quite yummy with a name that is quite annoying if you repeat it over and over again. And I get the joy of being able to annoy my two closest friends with the name of a drink that was taken from a story about some of their annoying relatives. It is good on so many levels!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had parts of this story started in several different drafts. Because of Mixology Monday 19 I finally pulled this one together so I could share in the fun that is MxMo. A Big Mahalo to Cocktail Nerd for hosting this months event.

Decadent Sunday 5

2007-09-10T01:08:00.000-04:00

DSCF2903
Originally uploaded by Lokis world

This time out it was Andy's turn. And she chose 'Vintage Hollywood' as her guiding theme.

Flaming Janus

2007-08-26T11:30:00.001-04:00

Janus Mug
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

It would seem that all my time behind the bar and camera are beginning to pay-off.

Kaiser Penguin Tiki Drink Photo Contest

Well, I don't actually do it for any kind of payoff. I take shots of cocktails because I am builing an inventory of shots so that I can actually start writing something to put in this blog I am trying to create.

But it is nice to have someone notice the shots every now and again....

Thanks, Rick, I am glad you liked the shots and I am honored to be included with such greats as Jimmy and Anita.

Mrs Moai

2007-08-17T08:39:00.001-04:00

Mrs. Moai
Originally uploaded by Lokis world

I had to share this image specifically because if you look carefully through the mouth you can see Andy's eyes and you can tell she has a grin that goes from ear-to-ear.

Click on the image to see it bigger. And, thank you to Loki for getting such a good shot. By the time I made it up there with my camera the head was off.....

A Component Study of the Mai-Tai

2007-07-21T10:17:00.000-04:00

I had this conversation on Tiki Central about a year ago, and I think it has been long enough that I can reclaim it as my own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you "The Mai Tai!"

But first, a few words....... A little "Light" Urban Archeology:

A Google Search for "Mai Tai" returned over 5 million hits. A search for "Mai Tai Recipe" returned 233,000 hits. Using Google Images also returned some interesting shots of Mai Tais including:

Here are some links to interesting bits about Mai Tais that I think you will enjoy, starting with Trader Vic's. Then there is the quest for the Ulitmate Mai Tai. One of my favorites commentaries from Joe Bob Briggs. And, an interesting view of all of the 'different' Mai Tais available is over here at Drinkboy.com.

Then there are some interesting recipes and variations including this one from Drinkboy.com (notice the Floater). This one also makes special note of a float of Dark Rum. This One claims to be the "Original Hawaiian Recipe." This one is entertaining being the Mai Tai from Down Under.

Then we have a Gift Basket for Mai Tai's. And lastly, we have one that fits in the "WTF?" category Here for those of you over 18.

Why do I share all of this with you? To prove the point that every drink and every drinker out there has their own opinion of what a drink should be and that includes our esteemed Mai Tai. But! For the purposes of this experiment in Mixology we all need a common starting point. That starting point for us is Beachbum Berry's recipe from the Grog Log.

Why the Beachbum's Recipe, you ask? Well, Trader Vic (original recipe) used ingredients that are no longer available. Don Beach uses too many ingredients for this kind of discussion and some of the ingredients are hard to come by these days. And, any other variation on the recipe would not serve us on our tasting adventure because the point of this kind of journey is to learn the origins of a thing so you can appreciate the thing in all of its variations.

So, Grog Log in hand, let us take all of our new found taste knowledge a build us a Mai Tai!

As Alton Brown puts it, the Hardware:

And the Software:

Our recipe starts with 1 1/2 ounces of Lime Juice. A fitting start to our drink since we started our adventure with this flavor. Our first choice is fresh squeezed. If fresh is not available, then bottled. I suggest that if you are using fresh limes in season that you use less lime, closer to 1 ounce. If you are using bottled lime or limes out of season (woody and/or dry) use the recipe measures. We discovered that lime is a sweet-tart flavor, the sweet will be offset by the 'heat' of the rum and the tart will be offset by both the sugar syrup and the Curacao and Orgeat. If your limes are more sweet or more sour than 'average' you will want to think about altering the amount of lime and probably in a generally less direction.

Now, we add 1/2 ounce of Curacao. Curacao being a Orange flavor with spicy undertones (mostly on the nose). Blue Curacao IS the same as Orange or Red or Clear Curacao with the only exception being the blue coloring. It works just as well, but your cocktail will be a very unfortunate color when you are done. If using Blue Curacao may I suggest you serve in your favorite Tiki mug. What? You say you still don't have any Curacao? Here is what you need to keep in mind if you are substituting: Curacao is usually 30% alcohol (60 proof) or higher. Your substitute should be a reasonably close alcohol content and be orange based in its flavor. If what you are pouring is sweet, pour slightly less. If what you are pouring is 'weak' in the orange flavor, pour slightly more. The flavor and aroma of the Orange blends wonderfully with the lime and adds that exotic feel to your Mai Tai.

A moment of your time, please.... I want to add a little tip to your mixing at this point. If you are making more than one Mai-Tai, do not simply double everything into one big shaker. Make each Mai-Tai in its own glass and measure each Mai-Tai as you make it. Why, do you ask? Because not all of the ingredients scale equally if you are making multiples. You can double the recipe with out a problem, but you can not multiply by 20 or 50 or 100 to make a punch. The lime will become to overpowering after about a factor of four, and the Syrup becomes sickly sticky sweet after a factor of about six. The Orgeat only makes that sticky factor worse since it is itself pretty high in the sugar content. Thank you for your time, carry on....

And now, the Orgeat. 1/4 ounce is all we need. Orgeat is almond based, with hints of Orange or Rose. It is also sweet, so measure carefully. The aroma of the Almond combines with the Orange from the Curacao to give us a wonderfully exotic aroma to our cocktail. And, like so many thing in life, quality counts. The better your Orgeat the better your cocktail. The Torani and similarly flavored syrups have the right flavor, but lack the subtle hints of a true Orgeat. I do not recommend that you alter this measure in any way as you risk the cocktail falling over the edge and being too sweet. If you do feel that your particular pour is too sweet, add a dash more lime so the tart can balance the sweet.

Then we need 1/4 ounce of Bar Syrup, or Simple Syrup, or Rock Candy Syrup. They are all about the same thing, Rock Candy being the sweetest overall. Why are we adding Sugar to a drink that already has two other sweeteners in it, you ask? Well, the other ingredients add a sweetness to our drink, but don't actually "Sweeten" the drink. It is the same concept as putting salt on something, it enhances the natural flavors. Sugar Syrup does the same thing for our cocktail, it balances the tart of the lime and enhances the flavors of the Curacao and Orgeat. If you are looking for a quality syrup, read the ingredients. You want to find one that is made from Cane Sugar or Cane Syrup. And, to get the most "Authentic" syrup, add a dash of Vanilla to the bottle. (It was a sad day indeed when things became "Plain old Vanilla" as it is one of the most exotic orchids on the planet.) Making your own is an excellent idea very easy to do.

Let us stop to analyze what we have mixed so far: Lime, Orange, Almond, Sugar. Stop and smell the glass with the ingredients so far. Does it inspire images of the Tropics? Of half-naked people on a sandy beach? You should already have an exotic blend of aromas in your glass. If you taste this mixture so far, you will find it to be very sweet. It is better on the nose than on the tongue at this point and that is because this entire mixture is designed to off-set the 'heat' that the rum is going to add.

Another moment of your time, please... For those of you reading this that are mixing drinks in your home bar, spend the extra time and effort and money to get a good set of tools. Get a set of measuring spoons, a Jigger, a good measuring cup, and most importantly USE them. It is a lot of fun to mix drinks with all of the flash and dash you see on TV, but those rarely result in a good cocktail. Measure carefully and consistently and you will always have a good drink. Thank you, carry on...

Now, the Rums!

Our recipe calls for 1 ounce each of a Jamaican and Martinique rum. Why those two? Well, pour yourself a shot and try it. The Jamaican rum has a 'green' quality to it, something that reminds you of the fields of cane. The Martinique rum is very complex, but overall on the dry side. The two combined balance each other into one simply elegant rum that is both lively and complex with a hint of spice, dry but not harsh.

Now the hard part, Rum Age.... I suggest that you find the oldest rums you can afford to make your Mai Tais. Appleton has recently released a 21 year old rum that would make a fabulous Mai Tai, but if you are like me you will have a hard time paying $100 or more for a single bottle of rum. I am just as happy with my 12 year Appleton and am quite pleased with the Mai Tais I can make with it.

The Final Pour!

I should have started with this, but it makes more sense here... You should be using Crushed or Cracked Ice, NOT cubes, or shaved, or blocks, or penguins or any other kind of shape. You need the fine quality of the ice to help chill your drink and the faster your drink chills the less watery it is going to become. Sounds odd doesn't it, melting small ice to prevent a watery drink... Well, a good Mai Tai is good all the way to the bottom of the drink. You get that by having your drink chilled to almost the same temperature as the ice, which prevents more melt and therefore more water getting into your drink. Look it up on the internet for the actual dynamics of it.

Shaken, Not Stirred.....

Apologies to Ian Flemming, but it is appropriate here. You should be shaking your Mai Tai because it is the fastest way to mix and chill all of the ingredients. This is the point where you get to add some flash and dash to your presentation. My Boston Shaker does not fit over my glasses so I have to use both parts of the shaker. But, that give me a chance to 'show off' when I return the drink to its glass...

Final Presentation:

Ahh, how to garnish the perfect cocktail.... Simple is always good. But, simple does not mean plain! I use the following: A cocktail pick with pineapple and cherries, one of the spent lime shells, an orchid flower, a sprig of mint, a sprinkling of powdered sugar and a straw. Sounds like a lot doesn't it? Well, a good Mai Tai is worth the effort. The pineapple and cherries and orchid are all 'pretty' to look at. The spent lime shell and the mint add to the final aroma of the drink and the sprinkle of powdered sugar is because I can. I also always use a straw cut to an appropriate length for the glass I am serving in. The straw is long enough to make the ladies with lipstick happy, but short enough that you still have to get all of the garnish in your nose to drink it.

You can see the rest of these photos Here.

Lani Honi

2007-07-15T11:36:00.001-04:00

Lani Honi
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

Summer has arrived and this year the sun is absolutely crushing here in South Florida. I am still convinced that the Miami area is actually higher than the rest of the US putting us closer to the sun.

Anyway, one of may favorites from Beachbum Berry's Grog Log is the Lani Honi. It is an intriguing mix of Benedictine and Rum that is very refreshing (and surpisingly potent) and goes wonderfully with a backyard and a pool as garnish.

Lani Honi
1 1/2 oz Benedictine
1 oz light Puerto Rican rum
1/2 oz lemon juice

Stir ingredients with ice in a mixing glass; strain into a wine goblet filled with crushed ice.

Go, make one. Enjoy it.

And, it is always nice to find a good cocktail that uses some of the 'dustier' bottles hiding under you bar.

Thrift Store Find

2007-07-12T11:25:00.000-04:00

Puppies
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

Cute little puppies. Painted on a wood that makes it's own frame.

The name of the distributor.... Robotronics.

Is this some sort of giant machine that is cranking out crappy little pieces of art that is only just barley worthy of QVC?

The mind boggles.

Well, the mind wanders....

Super Size Cocktails

2007-07-04T22:16:00.001-04:00

Niko's
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

In April of last year we took a little road trip to the west cost of Florida. Somewhere a bit north of St. Petersberg we drove by this place. A Surf-n-Turf for only nine bucks sounds like quite the deal, but I think we will wait until Thursday for the crab.

But, while we ar waiting, lets all enjoy some Super Size Cocktails.

Zombie, Beachbum Style

2007-07-03T13:36:00.001-04:00

Zombie Lilly
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

I read somewhere recently that someone said they never garnish thier cocktails, it takes too much time away from drinking.

Well, I offer this picture to try and change your mind. I will also take a moment to remind you of 'the rules' and one of the rules is "Garnish Matters."

This is a Zombie made from the recipe in Beachbum Berry's Grog Log. I dont remember which of my juices made this drink so pink looking, but it sure tasted good. And around the glass are:

Limes, Kiwi, Bananna, Hibiscus, and the weird looking space creature is a Gloriosa Lilly. In the drink is some Pineapple Mint.

Chip and Andy at the Hukilau

2007-07-01T14:04:00.001-04:00

Chip and Andy and FOM
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

And, here is the FOM Flag in full display at the Bahia Cabana for the 2007 Hukilau.

As soon as we hit the party I saw an American Flag hanging from the walk-over and then I spied a little bit of string hanging next to it. Well, you can see the end result.

I will have more to show and report on Hukilau later. In the meantime, click the photo and see what I have hiding in Flickr.

It's Good to be FOM

2007-06-18T00:44:00.001-04:00

It's Good to be FOM
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

The FOM flags return to South Florida just in time for the 2007 Hukilau. Here it is being unrolled in the Molokai bar inside of the "Mighty Mai-Kai." That would be me on the left and Capt'n Skully on the right.

You want to take pictures of what....

2007-05-22T14:31:00.000-04:00

Well, it seems that the more people you know the more trouble you can get into.....

We know this cat named Nick. Nick works at a local broadcast school teaching camera stuff. Nick and students are looking for the 'personal touch' to add to a story about South Florida's water restrictions. Well, this is not really a story but more a kind of project that is being treated like a real story.

Well, a bunch of students all came by the house to film a 'Typical Homeowner and thier reaction to the current water restrictions.' Andy and I are that typical homeowner because Nick asked if we would be willing to have a bunch of students practice being News Anchors in our back yard.

OK, on to the fame part of this post.... One of the other teachers at this school is Cary Codd, a real live reporter for our local Channel 4. He was impressed with the yard, the landscaping in general, and most impressed by our ability to speak on camera without drooling or giggling. About a week after the students did their thing in the yard, we got boosted from Phase 1 water restrictions up to Phase 2. About a week after that, the Water-Management-People started talking about Phase 3. Well, Cary was interviewing the Water Management People who are also in Hollywood and wanted to put a homeowners face to the story and remembered us. He called about 6:30 in the evening and wanted to know if we were intersted and willing to be on the 10 o'clock news and since I hadn't had a cocktail yet I said sure. The 'real' news crew showed up about 8 and started filming the yard while they had at least a bit of light to work with.

After about 45 minutes of wandering around the yard with a camera in my face, Cary says "Great! We can work from this" and started to break things down. Now, the whole time we are doing the interview bit, the Chanel 4 News truck is parked in our front yard. After a while, they raise up thier little attenea thing on the truck and start to edit the footage they just shot. Andy and I asked if they needed anything else from us and they said no. We went inside and had a light dinner and went on about our evening.

The End Result....

Now, if everyone gets 15 minutes of fame, I should have about 13 more before my flame dies.....'

The paperless office....

2007-04-27T14:05:00.000-04:00

Why did I spend the last two years at work developing a database to keep up with workorders and all of the related materials, the goal of which was to reduce the amount of paperwork kept, only to find that I now have three times the amount of paperwork being filed?

I love working for government!

Flair Bartending

2007-03-29T14:09:00.000-04:00

'Crap! It's everywhere......

There was an interesting debate about Flair Bartending recently on Tiki Central. To sum up the conversational results: drinkers don't like Flair as it is a distraction and drunks love Flair because it is a distraction. That is way overly simplified, but I will stand by it....

So, a bit of surfing through the Cocktail Blog-o-sphere on a another proejct turned up back to back the following two tidbits:
Cocktail : UK > Cocktail Forum > "Flybottle" flair practise bottle.
Apparently this is some new method/product to keep you at the top of your game....

And, this one is my favorite! It is somebodys signature on the Webtender.com forums:

______________________________________________
Wanna-be trick monkey in the making,then visit.. http://www.theflairschool.com

Even within the Flair community they call themselves Trick-Monkeys!'

So Much to Pour

2007-03-29T14:00:00.000-04:00

The set up
Originally uploaded by chipandandy

So Little to Drink....

I have reached that strange between place on my bar.... That place where you can make almost anything you could want but when you go to pour yourself something for dinner the one drink you want you cant make because you just used the last of something yesterday and every other drink seems like too much work or just not quite tasty enough.

Ahh... sucks to be me. Actually, it sucks to be my pocket book because this new hobby I have taken up aint cheap....

Never argue with an idiot....

2007-03-27T13:53:00.000-04:00

they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

~ Anonymous

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T13:54:00.000-05:00

'Welcome to 2007!

I am not doing any kind of resolutions except to give up on the resolutions. The premise is simple, if I can't bring myself to do it in June or July, then what makes January 1 so special that I am going to do something that I haven't wanted or been able to do before?

I am not trying to be negative, just realistic. I do plan on laughing more this year. I plan on drinking better this year. I plan on spending more time with my wahine. These are all things I plan on doing anyway and the New Year thing is just an excuse to pu them in list form.

The Rules

2006-10-30T14:14:00.000-05:00

Yes, dear reader, there are rules.....

1) There is no such thing as a chocolate martini.
2) There is no shame in club soda and cranberry juice.
3) Visiting the pub will be cheaper in the long run if you tip the bartender regularly and more generously than is necessary.
4) Never order a frozen drink in a place that serves pickled eggs.
5) Actually, never order a frozen drink.
6) It's also not a bad idea to eschew the pickled pigs' feet, although their presence is fairly strong evidence that you've accidentally stumbled upon a real tavern.
7) For the sake of the children, leave the pistol at home.
8) Grappa is to lighter fluid as ouzo is to lighter fluid.
9) Garnish matters. ((My personal motto))
10) Despite a high ratio of female clientele, an insouciant way with fried mozzarella, and their prevalence in resort towns, establishments where a waitress pours shots into your mouth from a bottle she holsters in a bandolier are fraught with peril.
11) When throwing a party, break the seals on all liquor bottles, lest guests should hesitate to open them and come to doubt your hospitality.
12) Better yet: Hire a bartender.
13) At the holiday office party, consume one drink less than your boss.
14) Adopt a favorite cocktail on a seasonal basis.
15) That sangria means "bloodletting" is more a cautionary note than a simple fact.
16) Drinks that give you bad breath: beer, anything sweet, anything with milk.
17) Drinks that give you good breath: gin and tonic, gimlet, vodka and cranberry, anything with citrus.
18) Instead of ordering a shot of After Shock to cap off the evening, one could just walk calmly into the street, lie down, and wait.
19) Hungarian proverb: If three men tell you that your are drunk, lie down.
20) Every man should know how to make at least one drink from a foreign country, preferably one taught to him by a local female with whom he has had a complicated, unresolved, and quite possibly dangerous dalliance.
21) Citrus cocktails benefit greatly from rubbing lemon peel around the rim of the glass.
22) Jack Daniel's. Rocks.
23) Fresh orange juice. Fresh lemon juice. Fresh lime juice.
24) On those chrome, hourglass-shaped bar measuring cups, the big side is the jigger. The little side is the pony. Never use the pony.
25) If you must: single-malt Scotch in a brandy snifter with a splash of water.
26) Avoid bars that use plastic cups, bars whose bathrooms consist solely of a trough-style urinal, bars with chicken wire protecting the band, bars where Patrick Swayze is the bouncer.
27) There is rarely any genuine need to shout "Skal!" "Na Zdorovye!" "Slainte!" "Bottoms up!" or "Down the hatch!"
28) No one but the bouncer cares how tough you are, and he already knows you're not that tough.
29) Drinking is not a competitive sport.
30) Never drink in a place that calls itself an eatery.
31) There is no upside to karaoke.
32) There is an ever-so-slight upside to a wet-T-shirt contest, as long as you're not in it.
33) It is not necessary to request premium liquor for a mixed drink in which you cannot taste it, such as a gimlet or sour.
34) On the other hand, ascertain exactly how nonpremium the "well" liquor is before you opt against the good stuff.
35) Sitting at the bar works only for two people. Three or more requires a table.
36) Never utter the words I and love and you if you've had more than three drinks.
37) If you're a lightweight, make that one drink.
38) If a bartender makes you flail your arms or beg for service, well, obviously, leave.
39) Don't call the bartender Barkeep, Chief, Buddy, or Ace, unless his actual name, in fact, is Barkeep, Chief, Buddy, or Ace.
40) Even if you have ascertained your bartender's name, behaving overly familiar with him will be seen as a pathetic gambit for free drinks or, worse, proof that you have nobody to go to for affection other than a random service-industry professional who does not, in fact, know you and just wants your money.
41) The one foolproof hangover cure: Don't get drunk.
42) Once you've fallen off a stool, there is little you can say to the bartender that will change his mind about asking you to leave.
43) There is nothing cheeky and clever you can say to a female bartender that she hasn't already heard from some other schmuck before you.
44) Don't eat the worm.
45) If you don't smoke and you're in a bar, don't complain about other people who happen to be smoking, because, virtuous friend, you are in a bar.
46) Instead of trying to remember whether it's "beer before liquor" or the other way around, just be an adult and stick to one or the other.
47) Acceptable drinks for men: beer, wine, whiskey, cocktails that are neither sweet nor made with dairy or fruit other than lime or lemon or orange.
48) Acceptable drinks for women: whatever they want, except a certain few.
49) A certain few: the grasshopper, the Long Island iced tea, the pink lady, and any variety of spritzer.
50) Also unacceptable: drinks whose names mimic critical medical conditions or copulative acts and their secretions.
51) And while we're on the subject, drinks that are named after supposedly cute body parts, like navels, which are actually disgusting repositories for sebaceous grime: No.
52) All of that said, never question a woman's drink choice.
53) If you're the first in the group to arrive and you start a tab on your card, you deserve exactly what's coming to you.
54) Unless you are lounging on the Promenade Deck, do not drink from a fruit.
55) Almost never have more than three cocktails.
56) Never order a cocktail with more than four ingredients.
57) If it doesn't have vermouth, it's not a Martini. If what you really want is iced gin (or vodka) straight up, order it that way.
58) Grain alcohol and purple Kool-Aid do not a punch make.
59) Pick up your drinks before moving the table.
60) Despite its name, a cocktail should contain no chicken parts.
61) Single-malt Scotch and soda: there oughtta be a law.
62) A lime yields about an ounce of juice, a lemon a little more.
63) Two singles are better than one double.
64) Ice. Lots and lots of ice.
65) Shun novelty. Suspect innovation.
66) If you strain your citrus juice, everything will be easier to clean.
67) Measure, measure, measure.
68) Betty Crocker Moment #361: 2 tablespoons = 1 ounce; 3 teaspoons = 1 tablespoon.
69) When all else fails, have a Martini.
70) The perfect Martini: There is no such thing as the perfect Martini. Make it the way it tastes best to you.
71) Provided that you remember that there is no such thing as a chocolate Martini.